Tag Archive | personal

Broken Glass

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Sometimes in our life we take chances. Sometimes these chances became broken pieces of glass we hold in our hands hoping that one day our hands wont feel the pain anymore.

I guess, there is nothing more terrible in this world than not knowing what to do. You took chances because you hoped that things can be made better- that you can make things right. There are times, however, that no matter how we try, no matter how good our intentions are, things do not go the way we want to and we have to let go- and that is the most difficult part : letting go of what hurts because what hurts has also made us happy.

To continue hoping or to let go is probably the worst type of confusion. Its so heavy, it tears me up. There are times I would rather sleep and hope I wake up in a different world with a different name under a new sun. Not remembering anything – but that woud be cowardice.

I pray for patience to endure and wisdom to understand. I held my head up high and looked up to the sky. Then I realized there were times when the sky is dark but most of the times it’s blue.. perhaps life is just like that. There aint no fairy tale and I got to be my own hero.. but first I must learn to let go of the broken pieces of glass that’s making my hand bleed..even if that means by letting go, my hands will be empty..

Autumn

For many times,
we hide behind a lonely wall
wishing to let our hearts go free

Maybe, we will never complete each other
Maybe, we’re much more like two lost storms,
in a wrong place, at the wrong time

It’s a constant battle of letting go and holding on
but I refuse to hide

I want to listen to your cry of misery
I want to embrace them with my own
I want to make you feel you are not alone

but you and I know what’s best for us
and too afraid to accept it

because everything begins to break
the moment I feel like walking away…

– 10.31.2016

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My Beautiful SON

I know I have made some mistakes along the way and for those I’m sorry.The mistakes I have made came from lack of understanding, not lack of love because from the moment you were born into my life, I knew I would love you with all I am.

That day, I looked into your eyes and all my dreams came true… I instantly loved you so much that suddenly nothing else was important. Your every move amazes me. Your every breath is beautiful. You are my world and for as long as I live I will love you. M&J

What it feels like to be FREE

During the weekend, I transferred to a new apartment. I still feel exhausted today, but of course, I need to come to the office.

I started living out at the age of 16. I have lived in many places,(this is my 11th actually), in the provinces, in the big city, even outside the country. I have seen many faces too,  different races, and thus, I had mockingly gave myself the titles :” “Citizen of the World, Batang Palaboy, Sexy Nomad, The Wanderer and Dora the Explorer!’

Being independent is both fulfilling and exhausting. There are times when you are soo tired but you have nobody to fix your bed. You don’t have your Momma to cook you a delicious breakfast. Sometimes you are sick and you still need to stand up because nobody’s gonna buy medicine for you. Sometimes, I get so lonely too and I cried wishing I’m home. I certainly know what it feels like to be hungry, tired and cold and I got nobody. However, I don’t regret the way I chose my life to be. I am learning a lot – new things, new experiences, new strategies to survive. *lol. I believe that if you stay in the place where you are too comfortable, you are not going to learn. The ladies who just wait for the support from their men are long dead. Today, women need to be as tough as they can be.It adds confidence when you know you have the courage to live on your own. I am so lucky to have a very supportive family and I thank them for believing in me in spite of their worries. I have been doing fine on my own for a long time now. I can eat raw rice if that’s the only way for me to learn how to cook. I can fall down, if that’s the only way to strengthen my knees. I can cry so I can know what it means to be happy. I don’t mind having to work my wings. I don’t mind the hardships. I am not scared of falling. It’s always good to be free! I can leave anytime I want,I can go home anytime I want.I am given the privilege to test my own feet’s strength and my own capabilities.I am given the responsibility to take care of myself, to be cautious, to plan for the future and to learn how to get along with others. Sweet! and when the glory of having best friends comes to fore, how could I not love being free? It’s great to have friends. Real friends!

Maybe I am meant to be like this. Moving around, leaving, coming back.. And if Lilo said that she remembers everyone that leaves, maybe I would reverse that to : I do remember everyone I left. I wish I can carry everyone with me but I cannot and sadly I cannot stop changes. Some of the things and people I left, changed, some totally went away. I understand that. There’s always a price for freedom..

I told myself that if one day I get enough finance, I would buy my own house and lot. That dream house I designed when I was in grade school.
I wanted to have my own house, because I never had one..I only had a home..

freedom

Alright, so enough of me blabbering here. I need to go home, unpack and arrange things again.Goodluck to me! 😀