It has been a while since my last post. I went underground for many months! I guess its time for me to come back. 🙂
Truth is, I haven’t gotten the enthusiasm to write not until yesterday when my boss found this creepy and freaky blog of mine online. That I decided to check on this again. That was sick. I mean I let strangers read my posts even some of my friends but knowing that your boss might read your musings about your personal life, opinion, heartaches, dreams, the other side of you that’s strangely different from the version of yourself you present to your workplace- that’s totally sick. I’m gonna have a fever. haha
Okay, I’m cool. I’m cool. I missed you WordPress. I’ll be online again.
The way I live my life is a full combination of mental and physical exhaustion. I had to work on an night shift so I can go to the University in the afternoon only to die there every time. Go home in the morning, Allot 4-5 hours reading, catch my regular 2-hour sleep and then wake up, put on my lipstick and wage war at the MRT station. Sometimes, I even wonder what it feels like to do nothing, watch the sunset and just be really quite. A lot always ask me if I even sleep. LOL. and I would always say “sleep is just for the weak”! seriously though, I am happy with my life. I love this study and I pour my heart and soul into this and I’m really hoping my efforts will pave the way into someone I hope to become. I appreciate people for asking and for always wishing me well. I don’t want anyone to worry about me. I don’t want anyone to doubt me. I want people to support me and cheer me up when I feel worn out. I also would like to apologize if I sometimes appear grumpy or detached. I am not mad or anything, I’m just try’na save my energy!
I love my life. I love this world. La Vita E Bella. I GOT THIS!
I answered, “I don’t have any. Well, if ‘always being happy‘ is a goal, then certainly this is my goal : To always be happy. The happiness that comes from within and not the one that depends on external circumstances. The happiness worthy of it. The kind of happiness that gives respect to the happiness of others as well. The one that breathes love and life. The one that inspires others to become better. The one that is FREE.
I added, “I guess I have achieved my goal then, and I intend to keep it”
We were talking about LIFE. I was asked “Don’t you want to be with those big tigers?”, I replied, “I want to take care of stray, unfed and homeless cats…”
Sometimes we’re only concerned about ourselves. What we can have, what we can become, what we can get, but we forget our duties to give back to the world what we have received..
I was not able to contemplate on my answer but even after I had, it remains the same. While ofcourse the thought of those ‘great tigers’ so to speak is irresistible, I believe that’s not the kind of life I probably wishes to have..What would you do with all the material things in this world? will they weep for you when you’re gone? or perhaps pat your back over a job well done? I think not..You wouldn’t be able to carry them with you into your grave; but the people whom you have met along your journey, or those whom you have shared a piece of sunshine that even you barely have, will..
Maybe, people are really different. maybe we all have our own concept of what makes us complete or happy..maybe, I sound absurd but that’s okay.. These stray souls are on the streets everywhere imprisoned within the chambers of their beaten lives, begging for a little compassion..
If you can give them one little piece of love, would you?
..And all the time I knew The time was never right for us Time to leave my love behind like I know I must..
It’s a pretty boring afternoon so I decided to browse through some videos on you tube. I came across this song, and then I was like, I remember this! That was the first time I went abroad to work, I was terribly sad (just like anyone else probably)..This song was playing over the radio while I was on a taxi going to the airport. I was thinking of that man that I used to love..I knew he wont be there anymore when I come back..I realized, he was never there in the first place…I felt it, the last time I held him, I cried because I knew..
Alas! that was a distant time now and I’m no longer sad.:) Leaving was actually a double blessing in disguise. It has been my dream and God wanted me to go away because it would be the right thing to do..I’m back where I came from..and maybe someday I wont have to say goodbye anymore 🙂