Broken Glass

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Sometimes in our life we take chances. Sometimes these chances became broken pieces of glass we hold in our hands hoping that one day our hands wont feel the pain anymore.

I guess, there is nothing more terrible in this world than not knowing what to do. You took chances because you hoped that things can be made better- that you can make things right. There are times, however, that no matter how we try, no matter how good our intentions are, things do not go the way we want to and we have to let go- and that is the most difficult part : letting go of what hurts because what hurts has also made us happy.

To continue hoping or to let go is probably the worst type of confusion. Its so heavy, it tears me up. There are times I would rather sleep and hope I wake up in a different world with a different name under a new sun. Not remembering anything – but that woud be cowardice.

I pray for patience to endure and wisdom to understand. I held my head up high and looked up to the sky. Then I realized there were times when the sky is dark but most of the times it’s blue.. perhaps life is just like that. There aint no fairy tale and I got to be my own hero.. but first I must learn to let go of the broken pieces of glass that’s making my hand bleed..even if that means by letting go, my hands will be empty..

Autumn

For many times,
we hide behind a lonely wall
wishing to let our hearts go free

Maybe, we will never complete each other
Maybe, we’re much more like two lost storms,
in a wrong place, at the wrong time

It’s a constant battle of letting go and holding on
but I refuse to hide

I want to listen to your cry of misery
I want to embrace them with my own
I want to make you feel you are not alone

but you and I know what’s best for us
and too afraid to accept it

because everything begins to break
the moment I feel like walking away…

– 10.31.2016

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Colonial Mentality : A Hundred year of Slavery

I read somewhere that the reason why Philippines is poor is that: We don’t love our country enough. True indeed.  We blame each other instead of helping. We dislike our government. We desire to see big, beautiful and bold platforms from  our public officials rather than doing something in our own little way to help ourselves. Many people go overseas with the intent of  not coming back to the country they called broken. Isn’t it sad?…

When I went overseas to the Middle East, there was no day that passed by that I didn’t wish of coming back home to the  Philippines. Out there I saw inequalities between men and women. There was very limited freedom to speak, and write and do  what you want. It was oftentimes no fun. Here in the Philippines, liberty is a fundamental right. But we do not value our own. We’re still slaves of the past. We feel inferior and we think that without  foreign aid, we’re doomed.

I love Philippines. I have always do and I always will. I do not understand why there are so many Filipinos who hate being one. I  do not understand why there are many Filipinos who would rather exchange who they are with somebody else abroad.. Its a sad,  sad thing.. I have read many forums and I often found that instead of defending our own we defend others. Why is that?..I do not  understand. We look to our own with disdain with the slightest mistake but we claim those half-Filipinos who made it to the world.

There is so much more to the Philippines. We have rich natural resources, we have great tourism, we have hailed many beauty  queens, we have housed many talents. We have enough.. While people in Africa do not even have enough water to drink;  women in some parts of the middle East couldn’t even ride a bike. .

I hope we learn how to instill in our hearts the sense of patriotism – the love for one’s country. It is our home. Don’t  we know there are many foreign expats out there who admire us? they even write about us. why? because they have seen  something great about us that we probably have failed to see. Where is the undying spirit of compassion and courage that we  show to each other when we face calamities? Do we need the devil to unleash demons upon us to realize that we, ourselves, are our own savior, not others?

Our President has been receiving flak because of his ‘loud’ mouth. Well, at some point, I agree that he’s crossing boundaries too much but I don’t believe that he deserves a ‘psychopath’ label. In fact, I admire his staunch courage of professing love for his own. We are chained to this colonial mentality and we hate the president who is trying to untie us.

We probably are third world country but in no way that we are inferior. I wonder when we’ll ever be truly independent  economically, socially and most importantly mentally.

As long as the Filipino people have not enough spirit to proclaim, brow held high and breast bared, their right to a free society, and to maintain it with their sacrifices, with their very blood; as long as we see our countrymen privately ashamed, hearing the cries of their revolted and protesting conscience, but silent in public, or joining the oppressor in mocking the oppressed; as long as we see them wrapping themselves up in their selfishness and praising the most iniquitous acts with forced smiles, begging with their eyes for a share of the booty, why give them freedom?” ~EL FILIBUSTERISMO

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Salt

Probably the best thing you can do with your time is to waste it. We spend so much of our lives scurrying around being productive, using our time wisely, getting things done.
We fake intimacy online, we flood each others newsfeed with likes as if we truly do and infect each other with our own insecurities and rants about random nonsense.

We forget we need to take time out, to smell the air, feel the breeze on our skin, listen to the morning chorus and watch the sun slowly set.

We forget to give back to the world, we forget to care, we forget to inspire others, we forget to make good of our transitory existence.

Will you remember all those spreadsheets you accomplished, all those targets you hit and the money you made when you are old? Or will you remember sitting on a dock by a lake watching the sun go down?

I want to live.

Pls come back, Miss

It has been a while since my last post. I went underground for many months! I guess its time for me to come back. 🙂

Truth is, I haven’t gotten the enthusiasm to write not until yesterday when my boss found this creepy and freaky blog of mine online. That I decided to check on this again. That was sick. I mean I let strangers read my posts even some of my friends but knowing that your boss might read your musings about your personal life, opinion, heartaches, dreams, the other side of you that’s strangely different from the version of yourself you present to your workplace- that’s totally sick. I’m gonna have a fever. haha

Okay, I’m cool. I’m cool. I missed you WordPress. I’ll be online again.

And to start with:

I’m saying HELLO!!!

 

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Awakening

So I finally had the courage to write. It took  many months to figure things out and get back on my feet. I guess, It takes a good fall sometimes to finally realize the things that matter. pain makes us a better person isn’t it? This year has been difficult to me and I have made mistake but I’ve learned. I’ve learned the hard way so to speak.

There was a time in my life when I decided that the only way to be happy to is shut the cruel world out. I have my beautiful family, I have a job, I have wonderful friends. What could be more better than that? But that’s not how the way things are. Sometimes, we have to face our demons in order to grow.

Life is not a fairy tale. And after so much hesitation, I tried and just like that, just like that my life shattered into a million pieces.

I had fallen down. I suffered silently in my misery. I had to hide my true self behind a mask of a happy face. Fake it until you make it, eventually I made it, gradually the light started to creep in. I didn’t want to stay broken.

Today,  I am so close to being real. Still in pain getting a lot better. The key to being better, I realized is acknowledging my pain and reconnecting with my soul.

I was in dark and cold place. It’s like I was trapped inside an iceberg that no one could ever crack unless I decide to get out on my own free will  and I didn’t want to stay there anymore. I miss the sunshine.

I made baby steps, slowly tried to reconnect with the real world. Through denial, resistance, I found acceptance and forgiveness and finally was able to make peace with my past and the people who caused me pain. Above all, I learned toforgive myself for my mistakes. I have loved and I have lost. I have abandoned myself inside

..and I am claiming it back.

 

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Love, Rosie

“Our life is made up of time; our days are measured in hours, our pay measured by those hours, our knowledge is measured by years.

We grab a few quick minutes in our busy day to have a coffee break. We rush back to our desks, we watch the clock, we live by appointments.

And yet your time eventually runs out and you wonder in your heart of hearts if those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades were being spent the best way they possibly could.

In other words, if you could change anything, would you?”
Cecelia Ahern, Love, Rosie

Would I?

1:30AM