Awakening

So I finally had the courage to write. It took  many months to figure things out and get back on my feet. I guess, It takes a good fall sometimes to finally realize the things that matter. pain makes us a better person isn’t it? This year has been difficult to me and I have made mistake but I’ve learned. I’ve learned the hard way so to speak.

There was a time in my life when I decided that the only way to be happy to is shut the cruel world out. I have my beautiful family, I have a job, I have wonderful friends. What could be more better than that? But that’s not how the way things are. Sometimes, we have to face our demons in order to grow.

Life is not a fairy tale. And after so much hesitation, I tried and just like that, just like that my life shattered into a million pieces.

I had fallen down. I suffered silently in my misery. I had to hide my true self behind a mask of a happy face. Fake it until you make it, eventually I made it, gradually the light started to creep in. I didn’t want to stay broken.

Today,  I am so close to being real. Still in pain getting a lot better. The key to being better, I realized is acknowledging my pain and reconnecting with my soul.

I was in dark and cold place. It’s like I was trapped inside an iceberg that no one could ever crack unless I decide to get out on my own free will  and I didn’t want to stay there anymore. I miss the sunshine.

I made baby steps, slowly tried to reconnect with the real world. Through denial, resistance, I found acceptance and forgiveness and finally was able to make peace with my past and the people who caused me pain. Above all, I learned toforgive myself for my mistakes. I have loved and I have lost. I have abandoned myself inside

..and I am claiming it back.

 

jenaraismyname_awakening

Love, Rosie

“Our life is made up of time; our days are measured in hours, our pay measured by those hours, our knowledge is measured by years.

We grab a few quick minutes in our busy day to have a coffee break. We rush back to our desks, we watch the clock, we live by appointments.

And yet your time eventually runs out and you wonder in your heart of hearts if those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades were being spent the best way they possibly could.

In other words, if you could change anything, would you?”
Cecelia Ahern, Love, Rosie

Would I?

1:30AM

Samson

I lay there in a daze
watching you sleep
with thoughts racing in my head
as I was trying 
to memorize your face.

I just wanted to hold you,
Wishing that I could show you how I feel
for it might be the last chance..
the last day together
one moment I would cherish forever

I know tomorrow 
I'll be watching you walk away,
not wanting you to go..
but I must and I have to find the strength somehow,
To kiss your lips goodbye...


-Poetrysoup

I’m Not The Girl You Fall in Love With

It took me a whole lot of time to realize why. And it was simple, laughably so. I am hard to love because I’m not the girl you fall in love with.

I’m possibly the woman you respect. The woman you admire. The woman you’d like to come home to. The woman who forces you to question perspectives you’ve been living with for years. The woman who rattles your preconceived notions of what YOU like. The woman you look at and wonder ‘how? How does she do that?’ The woman you look to for strength and support. The woman who makes you realize how large the world is, and can be. The woman you’d turn to when you need advice. The woman who makes a man out of you.

But I’m not the girl you fall in love with. I’m not the girl you want to spend hours with, just staring at each other. The girl you try so hard to get a smile out of. The girl whose hands you want wrapped up in yours. The girl who’s so beautiful, so delicate, that she makes you want to fight the world for her.

I’m not the girl you can protect from herself, because I’m not fragile enough to break at every step. I’m hardened, and I have battle scars that possibly mirror yours. I’m not ashamed of the marks, and blemishes, and bruises on my body and mind. They’re mine, and they tell my story. I won’t walk meekly, always a step behind you. I’ll walk with you. Push you, just as much as I push myself.

This makes me difficult to love, because you can’t wrap my love around yourself. No. You’ll have to bend, too, and that will chafe at you. Eventually, you might leave, just because you found a girl who makes you happy, instead of a woman who made you think.

I’m not the girl you fall in love with. I’m the woman you learn to love..

Thought Catalog

little-girl-570865_1280

image source: pixabay

Real Life Castaways

It’s the peak of summer season in my country and I was complaining because the weather’s too hot and how it triggers my migraine. And then every time I read news there’s this horrifying article about the ‘boat people’. Out there in the ocean are the Rohingya and Bangladeshi refugees. hungry..unwanted. homeless..was it religion that cause this great divide?

I don’t understand how some people can turn them away. Are we not all part( if not, most of us) of the United Nation and signatories of the many conventions, treaties and protocols relating to human rights and treating refugees? Therefore we must do our part in establishing a humane world for all of us. Even assuming that our country does not participate in the family of nations, it’s still so awful to think you can turn away destitute and oppressed people like these. I understand that there are always underlying political issues but the right to life is our fundamental right. Why are these people being deprive of it? it’s just so sick.

I hope they find their home soon. No matter what religion they have, what race, they are humans and they are all entitled to human rights…

This made me realize that I’m so much blessed with my life, even if it’s scorching 40 degrees what right do I have to complain? It would be a shame..

migrants-boat

Photo credit: REUTERS/Syifa/Antara Foto