When The Soul Feels Tired

Last night it occurs to me : I am tired

I am tired of going to the same place
I am tired of doing the same things
I am tired of seeing the same people
I am tired of my job
I am tired of this study..

The golden streets and city lights have always been a fascination to me, but last night as I was looking out of the window of the bus, the faces and the lights look all tired. The people were so eager to be home and rest. I didn’t see anyone smiling. Why do they don’t smile anymore? Are they tired too?

I realized I never rested. I have this incomparable energy that doesn’t make my body and my soul rest . I am always happy. I am cheerful, or was I just deceiving myself?

I wanted to do different things. I don’t like my days to be the same as they were. I get bored. And when I get bored, my feet would itch to run away and just fade away and again.
but when I am faraway, I miss being here
when I am here, I wanted to go out there..
when I am not doing things I want to be busy and when I am busy I want to sleep..

I lead a pretty good life. I have a great life, don’t I? but why is it that it seems that nothing’s happening in my life.  It’s always the same.

This feeling of being tired is so uncommon to me and it’s scary. Why do I feel tired? why do I feel uninspired? unmotivated? Why do I feel exhausted, worn out? lifeless?

I felt a warm liquid running down my cheek. Was I crying?

For a moment I felt like I was standing in an isolated prairie. I was wishing I really was. If I were, I would have ran, with my arms stretched upwards and shout through the air. It would feel so close to heaven I guess..

I remember a line in a song ” even heroes have the right to bleed and it’s not easy to be me“..

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
‘Bout a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd but don’t be naïve
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
And it’s not easy to be me”

I’ma be okay..

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