Why Am I Different?

I am random. I like random things, I have random ideas and I tend to be inconsistent. I thought it was okay. I was doing pretty normal actually but now that I am not so busy it’s bugging me around and it’s not becoming okay..

I’ve always been easily distracted,  but I can have this super high focus when I like what I’m doing. It really creeps me out sometimes and it’s frustrating because I don’t get it. How can some people sustain and fix their attention on something without losing their head?

My job right now requires me sitting in front of a desk for 8 hours a day. Honestly, it makes my spine shiver. It’s as if I wanna run outside and scream!

I am always told I can’t focus. But I know I can. It’s just that my way is different from others. I’m just probably too curious about so many things and I’m having a hard time organizing things up. maybe I’m just naturally messy.  I like doing several things at the same time. I like noise. I can’t stand my attention on 1 thing or task for a long time because it sends me drifting in a trance.  But If I do lots of things it makes things easier for me. It actually keeps me ‘focus’.  It’s really hard. I am interested in wide array of things but my interest is fleeting unless I really like what I’m doing, then I can become highly persistent.

Yep. It is sad. It is sad when you’re trying your best to pull yourself together and people don’t understand… All they see is you having such a pain in a butt attitude, stubborn, inconsistent,  headstrong and that you don’t belong..

They always tell me to do this or do that and I still don’t understand.. I’m too restless that I can barely contain it..This is the reason why I like being busy. Being busy keeps me sane. Oh man, I’m still trying to figure things out to understand things better.

Yesterday, I found this article and it almost sends me to tears..

 “The ADD mind is full of complexity and inconsistency. It is characterized by high mental and physical energy, coupled with extreme lassitude at times. It’s as if the “weather” in your brain is constantly changing from clear and sunny to foggy and cloudy, then back again. You worry unnecessarily about certain things, and not enough about things that warrant true worrying. Your fast-moving mind is easily distracted, alternating with an amazingly super-focused mind at certain times. You do not suffer from a deficit of attention but a wandering of attention. The goal in treating ADD is not to prevent these mental excursions, which are often of a highly creative nature, but to bring them more under voluntary control.” –source

Guess, I always knew I just don’t want to accept it. It’s kindda scary..

jenaraismyname 18.03.14


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