Die Just a Little

Few days ago, one of my High School classmate and friend passed away because of serious illness. All the while we thought he’s been recovering.  He would update his Facebook from time to time stating that he’s getting better, then on Tuesday I received the news that he’s dead.. I could not believe it. It can’t be true..For me, it was so unfair.. just like that, he’s gone? that was really unfair. I said to myself that maybe it was for his own good. He won’t have to suffer anymore. But it’s sad..

Death.. it’s seems so scary. It seems so painful for those left in this world.. In my life I have witnessed my loved ones go. It still pains me.. first was my Grand mom. I was 12 when she was gone. I felt lost back then. I felt I lost my only defender and companion. Then my brother.. that was the most painful thing that happened to me. I still can’t recall right now. My heart shuts off the thought. It does not want to remember. All I know was I remember I was crying my heart out to the heaven. I told God, to ask me to hold my breath and I will hold it forever in exchange of my brother but he didn’t come back to life. He was beautiful. But I will never again see his smiles. I will never again hold his hands. It was too painful and I thought I went crazy but I had to be strong. Maybe we’ll meet up there someday. Three years after, my Aunt died because of Colon cancer. I was in the city back then and she went home to the province supposedly to undergo medication but things didn’t go well.  She would tell me that she had saved my favorite -gummy bear-like-orange candy and that she will wait for me so we’d return to Manila together. 2 days after Christmas, we were phoned to come home. When I saw her, my heart sank to my chest. She was so skinny. She used to be bubbly and bulky. I couldn’t let her see me cry so I ran out and cried in the corner. Me, my family and my boyfriend spent days without sleep in the hospital trying to show her that she will be okay, that she will get well. But she did not. I remember her dying hours, she waved her arms up as if to say goodbye. It was really heartbreaking, you know. The only consolation we had was we knew she won’t have to suffer anymore..that she’s gonna go to heaven too and she’ll be with my Grand mom. Still I could not find the ‘good’ in goodbye..

I guess, people die all the time.. When they left, it was physical death but those who were left, there’s always something that die inside of them, something that goes with that someone they love when they are gone..

I don’t know.. it’s a natural thing. They leave and we need to carry on. We all gonna die one day but it’s just sad especially when there could have been so much more to life. But then again, who am I to ask God…



3 thoughts on “Die Just a Little

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