Robots: Do as they were told. Sorry, I’m Human..

I dislike people who want you to do things their way. I believe we all have our own distinct way of learning things and of doing things.. People sometimes see me as headstrong. I think they
often do.. because I may be different. I question things, I question rules, I give them headache, I maybe idealistic. I think it’s fair enough to make plans, but I’d go for ‘agile’ plans. If along the way I find something that would be more productive like new ideas and concept, I’d like to be able to add and change original plan..but I am always told stick to the plan.. I don’t believe I’m being productive that way.. I just don’t..

I wanna try and do something, mistakes make people learn, don’t they?

Imagine if you are asked about every minute of what you do. I mean, I think it would be okay at some point, but too much is not. It’s kind of choking. It’s as if they don’t believe in you, like that you probably just idling around, surfing irrelevant things on the net. It’s kindda so annoying.. I don’t know if I’m being resentful or what. Maybe I am..I guess, I just want to be a lot productive and learn because there so much more for me and for everyone else..but if I do something I’m busted, I tell the truth I get busted. I’m so tired of hearing ‘preaches’ Perhaps, I have to practice the art of lying: saying what they want to hear or maybe I should act like I’m a robot. Not thinking, okay, so just tell me what I should do, and I’d do it. If we say 5 then even if I hit 6, I won’t put it, we must stick to the plan yeah?  What’s the use of asking me to do things if you just want me to do it your way. I’m not generalizing, because there are some people in the office who are just awesome and I have great respect for that but there are also some who manage too much that they become more concerned about the time log than real productivity, real ideas, real learning..It’s so ironic, is it worth it?

Jezz, this is giving me a lot of stress sometimes and I wanted to cry over frustration. I remember my previous supervisor when I was working in NGHA‘s corporate department in Riyadh. My life was like Andrea’s in  ‘The Devil Who Wears Prada’  movie. She’d arrive, ask me this, ask me that, get her coffee(2 shots, skim milk) and she’d constantly give me heavy work load that drives me crazy. Imagine I was covering for 2 on-leave people plus I have to do my own job as well.. She’d call me and ask me to do things even if I’m not yet done with my lunch, I have applicants knocking on the door, I have things to follow up with agencies, I have to call candidates for some exam. I have to reply to online applications, I have to check this, I have to check that, I have to do this, I have to do that , I have to do overtime, I have to work on weekends..I felt like I was a super ninja wannabee. I WAS TERRIBLY EXHAUSTED BUT I WAS HAPPY. I was happy because even if she was kindda tough on me, she BELIEVES in me… She gives me things and tasks and believes that I will be able to handle them.To others, she was a devil but for me, she was the devil who brought out the best in me..

And now I’m here.. And to my dismay I can’t even do multi task here. I was like a soldier from world war 1 and to be given such detailed lax discipline is blinding. To some, it’s a gift, I must agree but I have to really adjust because I’m not used to it. Doing 1 thing at a time makes me lose interest. I’m used to the rush hours. I’d do things together at the same time and they don’t get me confused. They keep me focused instead.. but if I tell them that, they say I will lose focus.. It’s hard to understand and make others understand too. People have their own unique way. People have unique way of understanding things, of learning things, of doing things such as writing or cooking. If we all have brains that MUST do things the same then we could be all Albert Einstein but we cannot, no matter how we study,because that’s just the way it is. We’re all unique and different..They keep on asking why, I’d rather go for ‘why not’?. Stop suggesting too much. That’s how you do it, this how I do it. As long as I can give you result why care? There is so much to learn, I have so many ideas. I have so many things I wanted to do but I can’t..and I wont.. because I have to do these things their way or his way.. It saddens me.. I’d like to break free..

Perhaps someday, when I am able to break free into the clasp of today’s practicality, by then I can embrace my own passion. For now, I tolerate until I am able. There are other things I wish to venture into without having to worry ’bout a paycheck -but for now I need to work hard to stay alive..I need a job to pay for my enrollment and tuition. I need a job to pay for my rent and at least give me a decent life..

I just could not help but sometimes get pissed over things that happens in the office. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate this job, I am thankful for having one, but I dislike some processes sometimes…

Is this the reality? If it’s a dream, I hope I wake up soon..(*sigh) I hope I wake up into a brighter
day under a beautiful warm sun where people are suppose to be human with brains and not robots.


4 thoughts on “Robots: Do as they were told. Sorry, I’m Human..

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